Stupid Virgins

Please don’t go away until you digest this…

I’m inside…I’m ouside…it’s all about in and out and wibbley wobbley time.

Which one would YOU rather date...I thought as much.

So I’ve been reading…as usual.  The Olympics are on their way and we’re going to be treated to our bi-annual marketing blitz with bits and pieces of athletics sewn in-between.  Which is all good and dandy!

Frankly, they never show the sports I want to see: soccer, badminton, archery and other similar sports…you know, the weird ones; the ones that receive ESPN3 or NBC-i treatment.  Oh well, I’m not known for my popularity.  Heck, I’m not know at all (that’s why I’ve got a blog!).

Anyway, there is some sort of athlete out there by the name of Lolo Jones.  A trim, long haired, small bosomed beauty. Half naked in most of the pictures I’ve seen of her…but a hot ticket all the same.

Here’s the part that’ll occupy the better part of my bitterness for the remainder of this post.  Apparently she’s a virgin.

THAT IS NOT A NEGATIVE.

From what I gather, most of us are born virgins…aside from Ron Jeremy and Peter North.

I’m not baggin’ on Virgins; far from it.

However, my bone (heh) of contention is that Ms. Jones flaunts her virginity and the press just eats it up.

You know, when you have a post about something vaguely sexual EVERYTHING turns into sexual innuendo.

To continue: I don’t know Ms. Jones from Eve but what I do care about how her virginity has become a bone of contention.  She holds it aloft like a prize.  She shouts down from the heavens that she’s a virgin.  And BTW – if you’re so interconnected with your inner virgin, why are you half-naked in the majority of the pics I find on the web?  Ready to drop…sure, right.

The last time I did the math, it appeared that every virgin out there who lays bare their status on coitus lacks experience in said process.

Here’s the deal: much like the dopes who will spend hours telling you about the history of their religion, a virgin will spend the same amount of time telling you the benefits of being a virgin.

This comes from a person who KNOWS NOT THE BENEFIT OF THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ARGUMENT and therefore their argument is IN-FUCKING-VALID!

Ok…at the top of this rant there’s a picture of Lolo Jones and Madonna all kind of mashed-up-ugly together.  Please, you tell me, which one would be cooler to hang with?  Yeah…that’s what I thought…NOT LOLO FUCKIN’ JONES!  No experience…Madonna had a metal covered book entitled “Sex”.  That’s so much cooler and definitely NOT virgin territory.

Virgins, Tim Tebow’s, Westboro Baptist church members, religious zealots of any stripe…they’re all the same.  No freakin’ clue about any other sub-group but their minority…they are a bunch of stinkin’ high-minded, high-moraled geniuses.  ALL OF ‘EM!!!

I submit for your pleasure this group of geniuses:

The Taliban – The Westboro church with Turbans!

I guarantee you that the (murdered) woman was not a virgin and the guys who shot her and laughed…definitely virgins.

Therefore, I’m here today, on this truncated post, to suggest a new course of action.

Ahem…

Until such a time as you have gained experience:

Sex:

Drugs:

Surfing with the left hand:

Rock ‘n’ Roll:

You can STFU.

And that goes for you suckhole politicians.  Go out and be poor for a year and then you can tell me how the poor should be treated…mmmkay?

Now go out there and gain life experience my wee little barons!

TPS

 

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