Don’t worry…the men are in charge. All is well..

Hey ladies…this one’s for YOU…from the good ole’ US of A!

I’m down, I’m brown and I’m in like Flint!

Ladies, you light up our lives.  Your patience, your fortitude, your way to look SEXY at all times!

This is what you're really like, 24-hours per day. It BETTER BE!

Of course I’m being facetious.  Mean.  But I’m doing it for YOUR benefit.  I think.

Anyway, the above pictured women are supposed to be alluring.  Maybe not the one in the bottom left, but other wise it’s pretty much a win, win, win.  I would now like to list the perceived attributes of women which men prize.


  • Sexy
  • Cleavagy
  • Ready to drop for sex ASAP
  • Ready to go away when the being sexy part is done
  • Ready to have babies and care for them
  • Ready to be clever enough to negotiate for a used car…and be sexy while doing it
  • Being close…but not too close when another hot chick walks by (you’re totally killing my odds here, dear)
  • Ready for a quickie in the elevator
  • Earning enough $$$ for me to live with ease yet not bringing that fact up at odd times when it might tarnish my studly male demeanor
  • Oh yeah…if you’re African or Middle Eastern, not minding a bit when you get circumcised – hey barber, just a little off the top…mmmkay?

Well, that’s doable, right?

The past list was brought to you by the letter “S” for SARCASM.

Can I show you a picture of average women?  Real women?  Here, check this out:

Here's the real deal

Oh…and the woman in the top right…Marie Curie.  Sweet!

I’d like to talk effed up priorities.  I’d like to talk hypocrisy.  I’d like to say that the US is just as messed up as the rest of the planet it when it comes to women’s rights.  So I’m taking to you and for you, women.  Please don’t be offended.

I’m case you haven’t figured it out, I’m a sausage.  BUT I’M A SENSITIVE SAUSAGE!

I’ve a hairy chest but I’m not a manly man…a la certain MTV programming choices.  I’m just a guy.  I’m not special.  But I’ll be darned if I can figure out why women take so much CRAP from men.  Is it because men are just physically bigger (on average) than women?  Is it because men are more violent?  Well, that could be it.  Is it because historically men had to be the hunters and women the gatherers?  I’m not sure.

What I’m sure of is that the only hunting men do these days is either in bars or with the remote.

Therefore it’s time to have a little chat here, so please gather ’round.  It’s time to re-prioritize.  Ladies, if men do ANYTHING to you that you don’t want, kick them in the balls.  If you don’t get what you need to get from them, feel free to withhold sex.

See Lysistrata.

However, if you don’t see what’s going on around you, I have very little pity for you.  If you don’t get up and raise a fuss then I can’t help you.  Why raise a fuss, you might ask?  Read this:


This is not just a “one-off”.  This is happening all over the country; in numerous states.

Land of the free?

My balls.

This is ONLY the land of the free if you SHUT UP and do what we (those in power) say.  Then you are free to do what you please.  Please feel free to buy broadly while shopping in Wal-Mart.

Ladies, I’m going to say this as delicately as I can: when did you turn into such a huge bunch of pussies?  I can state unequivocally, if some body (congress) decided it’s best to stick pineapples up our asses the men would raise a stink to high heaven.  There’d be pineapple burnings and “Rectum Buddies” (wrecked-’em…darn near killed ’em) support groups with slogans like “friends don’t let friends get pineappled”.

But when the same thing happens to women (a la abortion rules in the US or female circumcision elsewhere) and you don’t raise a fuss I get perplexed.  Ladies, have you ever considered sleeping with a machete next to your bed?  If someone touches you and YOU don’t want to be touched, someone looses a hand.  Get the idea?

I am the bearer of bad tidings here, I know.  But LADIES, if you don’t take control of your lives nobody else is going to do it for you.

I will argue that it’s a bad time to be a woman in the US.  Especially when you have “Theologians” like this:

Listen up women, it’s never been easy for you.  It’s never been simple for you and, yes, men have it easier.  But if you don’t quit screwing around (pinning stupid shit on Pinterest, for example) then you will  get what you deserve: a fair shake and equality.  Isn’t that what we all want?

Am I angry about this?  Heck yeah.  For instance, this blog is not an argument pro nor anti abortion.  But it IS  a rant on having the freedom to do what you please with your body.

And IF you are an American (the country which supposedly believes in freedom – unless you have brown skin or tits) then you CANNOT let them (usually white or black males) take that from you.  Will you get spat on?  Will you get a bloody nose?  Sure, freedom is not free, as the cliche goes.

And ladies, here’s a hint.  If you DON’T get what you want then keep your legs closed until you do.  A few months with no sex might be the best thing to happen to any relationship involving men.

So be cool…and don’t forget to be FUNKY!



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