Go USA GO! To sleep…

Vacation is the way, baby!

I’m down wit’ it…you know.

Here we are, in the US, on the verge of yet another memorial day.  When we memorialize, something or other.  We definitely remember something.

Yup…we are here to Memorialize the troops.  And that’s just a long winded way of saying we’re here to remember those died…FOR OUR FREEDOM.  Even the fat guy in the front left.  REMEMBER HIM!

I’m gonna’ be honest here, no one gives a shit.  Except politicians.  They’ll march in a crappy parade and sweat through their suit in order to feign some sort of connection to the military and thereby confirm their bona fides with the military.  It’s like the white guy who listens to rap and thinks he’s black.

I’d like to argue that Memorial Day is a crock.  Everybody here at work, and by everybody I mean nobody, has given one shit about remembering the vets.  I’ll go so far as to say it’s a nationwide collapse of memory.

I’m not a huge fan of the military.  In fact, I’m kind of in George Carlin’s/Bill Hick’s camp here.  To paraphrase, we pay you to kill little brown people.  So shut the fuck up and kill people.  Heck, we’ll even avert our eyes when you rape military women.  Go on…have some fun!

But the military does serve a necessary purpose.  They…well, they kill brown people.  And when they go to South America they kill slightly less brown people.

I strayed.

We’ve got this notion in our collective head that “WE LOVE THE MILITARY”.  I’d like to add “WE LOVE THE MILITARY AS LONG AS THEY KILL PEOPLE AND WHEN THEY’RE DONE KILLING PEOPLE THEY SHOULD GO AWAY SO WE DON’ T HAVE TO RECALL HOW THEY KILLED PEOPLE.”

It’s pretty typical American hypocrisy.  And Americans, as a group, use this partial love to create a fake holiday so that we can leave work, go drink alcohol on boats and complain about how works stinks.  Yeah, no mention of “thanks-to-Vets” at all.

However the formula is balanced by the DC types who wrap themselves in flags and prance down the street to the Afghanistan Beat proclaiming how much they are a fan of the Military!  WOO HOO!  GO TEAM GO!

What I suggest is this, let’s just drop the whole thing.  If we need a holiday I suggest that we create “Drinking Sunburn Day”.  It’s a day where you go out and drink a lot of booze and then fall asleep under the hot sun.  Uh…like this:

Seriously, no one cares about the military once they are past their killing prime.  America wants macho soldiers who kick ass and ask questions later.  Who needs those thoughtful, homeless pussy war vets anyway?  Unless they can pick up a gun and go back to killing people again.  That would totally ROCK!  Like John Rambo did.  ‘Member when he was like, HEY!  YOU CAN’T DO THAT.  And then he’s like “AAAAUUUGH!” and picks up a gun and like kills all the slant eyed pricks…or was that Russians?  Russians are white so I’m not sure it was Russians.

That’s the type of war veteran that Americans wants.  Right?  The killing type and then the shut up with the complaining just because your legs got blown off type.  We like both types.

And don’t you worry about getting your legs blown off or a concussion which knocks the stuffing so far out of you that you look like a doll which our dog disemboweled.  We can totally fix those things.  We can sew on some new legs lickety-split!  We can totally fix that!

But that’s my suggestion.  That’s my contention.  No one cares about the vets and nobody sure as heck cares about Memorializing the military types.

But it’s not all bad.  Anheuser Busch is going to make a killing this weekend.  Buy some stock, have a beer and chill out…it’s the American way.

TPS

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